he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
