I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
