it was like eating out sand paper
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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