in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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