He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
