How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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