I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
