Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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