I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
