DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
