I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
