why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
