I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
they call him Oral-B. enough said
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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