Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
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Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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