Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
