As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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