So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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