I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
NoShamevember. You game?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
