hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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