I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
