Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
