Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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