i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
