The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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