I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
