Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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