she smelled like a LAN party
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
