Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
