And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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