I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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