conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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