You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
