Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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