the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
