the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't turn off my feet"
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