I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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