I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
