Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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