Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
