That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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