I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
