I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
