Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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