so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
