I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
