I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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