I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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