just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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