ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
