Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
