I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
