I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
