we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
