So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
