It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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