Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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