Got a toothbrush?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
