FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
