i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
