Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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