I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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