my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
